Marriage and Intimacy

The best grandparents anyone could have! Married for over 50 years and still in love.

My beautiful Mother and handsome Father

I'm sure you're wondering what all of these pictures are about. Well these are just a few of the examples I have of beautiful people, who have made beautiful marriages. I think a lot of people in class found our discussion about marriage and intimacy awkward or embarrassing, but I didn't. Of course this could be for many reasons, the area I grew up in, the fact that intimacy is openly discussed in my house (not graphic details, but if we have any questions my mom has always been open to discussing things with me), or the fact that as a Child Development major, this has been discussed many, many times in classes. 

My Grandparents, brother and new sister-in-law at their wedding. 

I think one of the most interesting parts of this topic was the Marital Intimacy questions wiki. For an assignment, we had to come up with at least one question we had regarding marital intimacy. Some of the questions were "How do you get to the point where you are comfortable with having sex with your spouse? I was always taught that sex was wrong unless it was outside of marriage, but the general idea still seems wrong. How do I get to the point of being comfortable enough to know that having sex with my future spouse is ok? How do I overcome that fear?" "I know that a relationship isn't only about the intimacy, but what if after you get married and have sex for the first time your feelings aren't the same? How as a couple do you see past this very important part in your relationship? Or how can it be fixed?" "My husband rarely initiates sex and often rejects me when I do. It makes me feel so insecure. What should I do?" "I'm not married, I've heard the first time of intercourse is painful, which scares me. What advice could you give about this"

I know it's kind of blurry, but this is a picture of my cousins' Grandparents. Grandpa Stauffer has passed on, but they were truly a beautiful couple, and had a wonderful relationship. This is one of the last times I saw him. After Thanksgiving they both fell asleep on the couch and Grandma Stauffer is asleep on Grandpa. :)

These are just a few examples. I noticed that a lot of the questions dealt with fear of intimacy. I think a lot of the fear, is fear of the unknown, fear of pain, or fear of doing something "wrong" or "bad." I think it's natural, to some extent, to be afraid of this. However, I think one thing that could help is talking to someone about it. I've talked to my best friend, a few times, about intimacy and asked her some of the questions I've had concerning it, and she's helped me quite a bit. It's not weird because it's not your parents, and there's no judgement because she's my best friend. She doesn't share specific details, or over-share. Just simply states the answers to my questions in a very factual and informative way. I noticed a lot of people were concerned with specific Church guidelines towards intimacy. I don't think the Church has any specifics. I could be wrong, but all I've ever heard is to just make sure that it feels natural, and doesn't become uncomfortable.

However, as we know, marriage is much more than just intimacy. I'm sure marriage isn't easy, but I'm also sure that if it's the right person the work you put into it is worth it. I think one important thing is to not get caught up in your list of attributes you want your husband to have. Sometimes, the person comes along that fits all of your desired attributes, but then Heavenly Father says they're not the right person. Be flexible. Be open to deviating from your list. I'm not saying don't have a list, or don't have desired qualities, and I'm DEFINITELY not saying marry a "fixer-upper." I'm saying, prayerfully consider the desired qualities you want in a spouse, and while on the lookout for this person, build up those qualities in yourself.