Welcome to my blog!

Welcome to my blog!
This is me and my cousin at my brother's wedding. I'm the girl wearing my little brother's suit jacket.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dating and Relationships

I think this was one of the most interesting sections the class has talked about. It was incredibly applicable to my life right now, and had a lot of really good take home lessons for me. I think I especially was interested by the discussion involving dating. I learned so many really interesting and really applicable things. I learned that two of the biggest filters when choosing a mate, or rather two factors in the selection process, are physical attraction and similarities. I learned the three p's of dating! Planned, paid for, and paired off. I also learned that there are 3 other p's that are provide, protect and preside. We talked about the functions of dating which was also really interesting, hearing people's opinions on what the function is. Some of the suggestions were recreation, intimacy, companionship, find a mate, status attainment, and socialization.

We learned about different phases in relationships.
Dating- a variety of planned, intentional opportunities to get to know one another, developing/testing skills, variety of activities with a variety of activities.

Courtship- an exclusive relationship seeing if someone is a good fit for you
Engagement
Marriage
There should be clear boundaries and obvious changes in each phase of a relationship.

This part was my favorite!!!! We learned about the relationship/attachment model, and it just made so much sense to me! I cannot even explain how much I love this model, because it made my life make sense! Haha
Relationship/attachment model (differs by degrees)
Know, trust, reliance, commitment, touch
You should  never trust someone any more than you know them
You shouldn't rely one someone more than you trust them
You shouldn't commit to someone you can't rely on
And you shouldn't touch somebody you're not committed to
(the degree and frequency with which you have physical contact with someone can make you feel more or less attached to them)

We talked about the 4 types of love:
Eros- physical love, passionate love, romantic feelings (usually acquainted with), lust, (have to be around them all the time) driven by emotion, sexual
Agape- love independent of one's feelings for another
Storge- parent-child love, transcends everything, deep-abiding love, hurts you to see them hurt
Philia- friendship, brotherly love

Another thing I found particularly helpful was talking about misattribution of arousal- attributing feelings of physical attraction to feelings of love, when it's just physical attraction (I can't tell you how many times I've done this)
How do we protect ourselves from falling into traps/tripping into loves or relationships that aren't wise/tripping too quickly?
Increase our knowledge
Past experience

Decision making process: weigh pros cons, decide rationally, think things through, analyze, be intentional
If you're not sure ask someone who knows (parents/friends/outsiders can see other facets we don't see)
Set rules/goals and follow them

I learned I need to be better about following all of these and making sure to discern what's real and what's not. I need to make more logical decisions and less dealing with emotion.


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